Field of Innocence
by Rae of Rosemary
Summary: Song fic, song by Evan Essence. Kenshin's lowest moment. Rated for slightly darker themes, to be safe.


~I still remember the world~  
  
~From the eyes of a child~  
  
A skinny- red headed man stood by the side of a river bank, fingers gently tracing the designs on the hilt of his sakobatu. He wore a dark red kimono with his hair pulled up high on his head. He stared out across the water as the sun slowly set, mind drifting to a time when he didn't have blood on his hands... and a time he thought he had washed them clean.  
  
~Slowly those feelings~  
  
~Were clouded by what I know now~  
  
It seemed he had always held some type of sword, at one point or another. From the time he could walk, he had been learning the arts of the Hitan Mitsurugi style of swordsmanship. It had still been easy for him to dream then, and laugh. Then the revolution started, and he had been pulled into the heart of it. He killed thousands of innocents, killed for the good of the government.  
  
~Where has my heart gone? ~  
  
~An uneven trade for the real world~  
  
And then, that one day, it had called a stop to it all. He swore that the sword he held would never kill again, would never stain itself with the blood of innocents. He traveled for years on end as a Rurouni, never once breaking his vow. And he found love. Kaoru, assistant master of Kamiya dojo. A fierce girl with a violent temper that couldn't cook worth beans. She became his life.  
  
~I want to go back to~  
  
~Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all~  
  
He had risked his life countless times to save her, making sure that no matter what, she was never in harms way. It took them both forever to realize it, and even longer to admit it, but they were in love. But it wasn't enough. Kaoru was so innocent, he so tainted. (Flashback) He woke up one night, covered in a cold sweat, back in the middle of a battle. Kaoru had ran in and before he could realize who she was and what was happening, he had his sakobatu out, sharp end pressed to her throat.  
  
~I still remember the sun~  
  
~Always warm on my back~  
  
She had been perfectly still, shivering for all she was worth, trying not to cry out. He came back to himself just in time to force himself not to push the blade any farther. It was then he had known that the killer inside of him still lived, and, even as he held Kaoru close to him, whispering reassurances, he knew that he couldn't stay. Couldn't hurt any one else. He would protect Kaoru, even if it meant hurting them both beyond all imagine.  
  
~Somehow it seems colder now~  
  
So he left. He put Kaoru back to bed after she had calmed down, than took the few belongings he owned and left. It hurt him more than anything else had ever hurt him. No gunshot, no sword, no fire had ever burned him as badly as this did. But it was for Kaoru-dono, and for her, he could take any pain. Any hurt. Any loss. ~Where has my heart gone~  
  
~Trapped in the eyes of a stranger~  
  
But two weeks later, as he found himself standing on the grassy edge of a swelling blue river, the scent of cherry blossoms floating around him, he found that for all his love for her, it did not erase what had happened. What he had done, and almost done. Who he was, and the killer that lived inside of him. He dropped to his knees in the sweet green grass and pulled out his sakobatu, putting the point over his chest, directly where his beating heart lay.  
  
~I want to go back to~  
  
~Believing in everything~  
  
He took a deep breath, a final teardrop falling from the corner of his eye. It held everything- flash-by images of all the ones he loved- Aiyuma and Suzuma, Megumi, Yahiko, Sanouske...and Kaoru. "I'm sorry." He whispered into the night, and pushed the blade through his chest.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hey again. First, I know that this is out of character, but I wasn't in the best of moods and this scenario fit the song. Thanks to Gabbi the Queen of Kurama Torture for inspiring this. I read her story I Said I Wouldn't Kill and wanted to do something like it. Reviews are appreciated. -Ishizy 


End file.
